To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

If you don’t like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven’t hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

Don’t ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It’s only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

A rebound relationship is one that begins shortly after the break up of a significant romantic relationship. A person that moves quickly from a painful break up to a new relationship is commonly referred to as being “on the rebound” or “rebounding”.

A person on the rebound moves on to a new relationship without taking the time to heal from the failure of their previous relationship and the loss of their previous partner. A rebound relationship is often a distraction from the pain of their sorrow and a quick fix for their damaged self-esteem.

After a bad break up, a person on the rebound can be in state of emotional turmoil. They may feel great sadness at the loss of their previous relationship. They can be angry at their ex for breaking their heart. Their mind is often filled with questions of why their relationship failed and what they could have done to stop the break up. They may also feel that precious time was wasted on the failed relationship and feel the need to quickly move on with their life.

A person that is rebounding is often carrying a lot of emotional baggage from the break up and previous relationship. While their mind is trying to come to terms with their loss, they can be emotionally very needy. Their life and heart have a gaping whole that was previously filled by their ex. Their previous partner could have also filled much of their time during the week, but now they are alone with time to consider their sorrows. It can be a very lonely time.

In the midst of their loneliness and sorrow, a new person comes into their life, their “rebound”. The rebound has a nice smile and is interested in them romantically. A person on the rebound will find their attention a wonderful distraction from the pain of the break up and a nice boost to their self-esteem. The rebound finds that their attention is warmly received. As the two start dating, they begin a rebound relationship. The rebounding person finds that their rebound fulfills many of their emotional needs.

The rebound empathizes with their new partner’s plight and offers emotional support. The excitement of the new relationship helps distracts the person on the rebound from the thoughts of their recent break up. The rebound relationship provides an opportunity to hide from thoughts of the previous relationship and avoid dealing with the pain of their loss. The person on the rebound finds that their loneliness is replaced with a new companion.

A rebound relationship builds up their damaged self-esteem and makes them feel attractive and desirable again. The rebound relationship can initially be very satisfying to the rebound. The rebound finds that their attention is longed for and warmly received. They may feel that they turned the rebounding person’s life around. They have rescued their new partner from their sorrows and put new joy in their life. That makes the rebound feel great about themself and the place they have in their new partner’s life.

Unfortunately, a person on the rebound isn’t in a healthy state of mind. They are not emotionally in a place to make healthy relationship decisions. They do not really know what they want. They are thinking about the moment, not the long term. That often leads a person on the rebound to make a poor choice for a new partner. They are likely to pick someone that meets their short term emotional needs rather than someone that can meet their longer term relationship needs. They often make compromises in a partner or in the relationship that they would not ordinarily make.

As time goes by, the rebounding person moves towards a healthier state of mind. As that happens they generally start to reconsider their new partner and the relationship. They often come to the conclusion that the rebound relationship got them through a tough time, but now they are ready to move on with their life. This can be a pretty rough turn of events for the rebound. They go from being critical to their rebounding partner’s emotional health and happiness, to being no longer needed and cast aside.

Getting into a relationship with someone on the rebound is not a sound strategy for finding a long term relationship. A rebound relationship will generally not have a long term future, but instead tend to fall apart as the wounded party heals. A rebound relationship starts with the rebound comforting the other person over their loss, but in the end, the rebound often ends up getting hurt.

If you keep looking for perfection you will never find it.

If it takes perfection to make you happy you are going to have a miserable life.

Imagine you are looking for a melon to take home and eat. If you look for the perfect melon you will end up going everywhere… looking… because there is no perfect melon. And if you question whether or not each melon is really going to be good you will never eat a melon because you wont ever really know till you buy it and take it home and cut it up and actually taste it.

Now.. can you get burnt? Of course.. you could pick a melon that looks smells and feels like it would be delicious, take it home and when you cut into it.. find out its actually rotten. But you will find that if you actually TRY to find good melons… If you actually learn from your mistakes and start learning to distinguish between good and bad melons… you will do a better job at recognizing the bad ones once you have experienced a few.

And that brings me to my next point, which is… Once you find one that gives all the signs it will be tasty. You need to just buy it and taste it. Putting it back out of fear it might be rotten is silly at that point. And putting it back to go back and taste a melon you already know is rotten in hopes that it somehow will taste better the second time around, well… that is the definition of insanity.

Also.. remember that Melons spoil so you need to hurry up and eat them when they are ripe.. they don’t sit around forever being ripe.

Now.. am I being silly comparing people to melons.. Yeah I guess maybe. Especially considering it is MUCH easier to find a good melon. But, knowing how hard it is to find a good person just means it is that much more important that if you think you have found one, then you are just being insane if you don’t grab that sucker up and eat it till there is nothing left

here’s to good melons

A friend and I often talk about the differences between the way men and women communicate. It amazes me how little people understand and recognize that there is a huge difference between the male and female thought process.

Yes, it is joked about, and laughed at. But it is not really understood or even acknowledged by most people when it comes to real life situations. And the few times that it is acknowledged, what happens is that the man is expected to sympathize with the woman’s thought process. He is supposed to change his nature in order to accommodate her. Never does a woman instead conform to the mans thought process. Why.. that would require too much logic.. <—(tongue in cheek)

I just recently read a blog in which the blogger wrote about being single, and why it is that she is ‘still’ single. And how she is independent (something so many women are proud to announce to the world in our current society). She asked if there was a such thing as ‘too independent’.

The first response I read was from a female friend of hers, telling her that there is no such thing as being ‘too independent’.

That triggered this ‘blog’. You see.. If you want to be alone.. and single forever, then no.. there is no such thing as being ‘too independent’. Continue on your merry way being the independent woman that you are and being single.. date men off and on.. and live that life. There is nothing wrong with that (unless of course you have children and are exposing them to all the different men.. but I digress… So let’s turn back)

Back to the female’s thought process.. A ‘friend’ wrote something. And the female thought process kicked in
1)”acknowledge what friend said..”
2)”Do not challenge it..”
3)”Re-affirm anything she said so that she knows I support her”
4)”If I disagree with anything she said.. I tell my opinions to other friends who I trust will not tell her that I am not supportive of her”

Such is the way of the woman. They nod and agree.. even if they disagree. Women talk to their female friends when they WANT to hear that what they did, or what they are doing is RIGHT. When they want affirmation. Keep in mind that I am only talking about how women communicate with each other.. If a woman was communicating with a man, the chances are that she would disagree no matter what the man said. Which of course ties in with ‘independent woman syndrome’.

Of course, women know this, that is why most of them have male friends, and when they REALLY want to know whether or not what they are doing is right they will go to the male friend and ask him for his input, THINKING that he will challenge them if they are doing something ‘wrong’. Here is the ‘problem’ with that. Most of the time the ‘male’ friend has an ulterior motive that the women chooses to be blind to. He ‘wants’ her…. and so he will either
a) Reinforce her opinion… just as her female friends do… to keep on her good side and thus keeping hope alive that some day he will be with her… or
b) say whatever helps his cause even if it is not the best advice.

But anyway… the main thing I wanted to address with this blog is women who are ‘independent’… And I am going to do that now… Maybe talk about communication differences more some other time.

Women… many of you like to announce your independence from the mountain tops. You climb all the way up to the top, then you shout at the top of your lungs “Look at me I am independent. I do not need a man. Men are useless to me, I can do everything on my own I have no need for you men!!”. Then.. you wonder why you are single and do not have “Good Men” chasing you. You wonder why the only men who come into your lives are either
a) liars who just use you OR..
b) they are dependent upon YOU. (Oh I see little light bulbs going off over your heads!!)

Hmm.. You tell all the men that you don’t need them and are independent, and attract the men who either don’t want a real relationship, or do, but cannot make it WITHOUT YOU. Well.. OF COURSE silly.

The good men.. the ones who want to be PART of a mutually dependent relationship, are looking for a woman who wants the same. So when you let them know that you are INDEPENDENT and you don’t need them for ANYTHING, then they move on.. why in the blue hell would they want to be in a relationship with someone who tells them they are not needed and constantly lets them know they would be just fine without them..??

The point here, is that it is ok to be completely independent… IF you want to be single, or not be in a serious relationship. But if you want to be in a serious long term committed relationship, then you need to be ‘somewhat’ dependent. Men like to feel needed. Now.. understand that I mean this only to a healthy extent. Men do not want to feel as if they are with a child who needs them for EVERYTHING. Or that the woman needs to be by their side ALL THE TIME. That is not healthy. So as with all things.. Moderation. Think about it… Do what you will with it.

Sorry this blog sucked.. I’m out of practice..

Its kinda crazy how powerful music can be.. It can have a massive effect on the mood we are in. When I am feeling sad or depressed I have a tendency to listen to music that makes me more sad a depressed.. it’s kind of a stupid thing to do really, thinking about it, but I do it anyway.

But other times I am in a mood and then I hear a song and it changes my mood. There aren’t too many things that can do that the way music does. “So what?” You ask. Nothing really.. there is no point, as the title of this blog says.. these are just random thoughts here tonight (or this morning to you picky people since it is after midnight).

I would also like to clear up a few misconceptions. First off, I do not have an aggression or anger issue against “women” as in ‘all women’. I have a lack of respect for and a disdain towards CERTAIN TYPES of women. If you are one of those types.. then oh well.. you and I just aren’t the types of people who are meant to get along, that’s all. If you aren’t one of them.. then please.. don’t mistake my feelings towards those women (or my FORMER feelings towards SPECIFIC women that I have gone through bad times with) to make you think I have a problem with all women, because I DON’T. Everyone has types of people they don’t like.

I happen to like some women very much… I have been in love with 3 of them. The times I was in love I would have done just about anything for those women that I loved. I appreciate the beauty of a woman. I really do. I appreciate the fact that there are CERTAIN women that have ‘something’… some sort of unknown hidden mysterious quality about them that triggers something in me and makes me feel like a completely different person than I do any other time.

That ‘chemistry’ (as I have written about before) is awesome. Yeah it sucks when its one sided (also have written about) but.. I still like it. It feels good, to FEEL it.. it lets me know that I am still alive and that there is still life out there to be lived.

Next topic.. Spelling.. I DO NOT have an anger issue towards people who can’t spell. I’m not a great speller and I don’t have very good grammar skills. I don’t care if you can’t spell. My issue is with people who try to act SMARTER than what they really are. People.. please.. take inventory. Get a grip on just how smart (or dumb) you are. And act it. For fucks sake, really. I don’t walk into a hair stylists business and start telling her how to style hair. i don’t know jack about styling hair. And I wouldn’t ever pretend to. I know that a hair stylist has me licked when it comes to knowing about HAIR. I would never try to pass off false knowledge. And to me.. trying to pass off false intelligence is even worse. Please.. please.. listen.. IF you are smart.. people will KNOW you are smart.. you wont have to PROVE IT. If you find yourself trying to prove you are smart. Then guess what.. you aren’t. So stop acting like you are.

Do I think being able to spell makes you smart? No.. but I think not being able to spell better than a 10 year old makes you look pretty stupid. I also think that if you are going to throw around some big word to TRY to make yourself look SMARTER than what you are, you better at least have google’d it first and made sure a) that you are spelling it right and b) that you REALLY know what it means.

Third Topic.. yep most of you have quit reading by now.. I saved the best one for the true fans of my blogs (all 3 of you).. Misuse of the word “Mistake”. YES YOU. Stop misusing the word ‘Mistake’. Don’t say “I made a mistake”. Because you DIDN’T make a mistake. It drives me nuts when someone uses that cop-out. Saying you made a mistake is not accepting RESPONSIBILITY for what you did.

Let me explain. A mistake is something that happens on ACCIDENT. A mistake is accidentally getting chocolate ice cream when you were supposed to get vanilla you just grabbed the wrong kind on accident. A mistake is pressing the gas peddle when you meant to hit the brake. A mistake is an UNINTENTIONAL error. Something you didn’t MEAN to do.

Stop saying you made a mistake when what you really did was made a bad DECISION. They are not the same thing. If you DECIDE to do something and later you realize that you FUCKED UP. You mad a horrible decision. You were a dumb ass. You should not have chose what you did, passed up what you did, given up the thing you gave up. THAT IS NOT A MISTAKE. It is a bad DECISION. If you would stop saying you made a mistake when you make a bad decision, and instead you say “I mad a bad decision”, at least people might respect you a bit more for accepting responsibility for he fact that at the time you made the decision YOU THOUGHT it was a good thing to do.

I hope.. you get now.. the difference between MISTAKE and BAD DECISION. And you learn to stop blaming your BAD DECISIONS on MISTAKES. They aren’t the same. Own up… PLEASE!

Ok.. I think I am now officially tired enough.. that I don’t have to read some boring Harry Potter or Twilight book to put me to sleep..

Good night

~Jay~

And I’m told I am picky.. so I was looking through some personal ads.. and I come across this one…

Well here goes…I am a active women who enjoys working out,water sports,atvs,hiking,shopping,horse back riding,traveling,clubbing and more shopping.I am a bit of a dare devil.I enjoy doing things that are fun and crazy!I’m a little sarcastic but its all in good fun.I’m attractive,funny,smart,honest,confident and a lot of fun.I am 5’6 and 120 pds.
I enjoy R&B,old school,hip hop,and sometimes classical music depending on the mood.
I am looking for someone who is respectful,honest,intelligent,great morals,out going,educated & secure,fun,and most of all someone who can make me laugh.You must be very attractive and like to work out.Sorry but I have to be truthful.That is a huge turn on!I also like the badboy/jock.

So lets break this down.. She likes to shop.. and “shop more”.. that automatically tells a man he better be ready to open his wallet. That might not be true.. she might have enough money to pay for all the shopping she ever wants to do and never will use any of the mans money, but that does not matter. What matters is the perception the man will get from her profile and that is “I will spend your money”

So she just eliminated all potential partners who don’t want a gold digger.

Next She likes water sports, horse back riding, traveling, and clubbing.

Ok so if a man dislikes horses, can’t swim, does not like to travel (can’t travel.. or does not want to pay for traveling which he will assume he has to), or doesn’t like going to clubs (or being with someone who goes to clubs without you)… he is eliminated.

Next.. is her music selection which does not include country music (and she lives in Iowa) Now.. I get it.. I don’t like country either.. but I’m just point out HOW picky (or specific) this particular profile is.. and what she can expect from it.

Now lets get to the BEST part..

She wants a guy that is.. respectful,honest,intelligent,great morals,out going,educated & secure,fun,and most of all someone who can make me laugh read-(funny)

AND.. he has to be very atractive

AND.. he has to.. work out

BUT… on top of that.. she likes the…

badboy/jock.

Ok darling… So you want a.. Very attractive.. in shape.. rich.. educated.. horse loving (but none country music listening).. traveling.. respectful.. funny.. secure.. honest.. intelligent.. out going.. club loving.. knows how to swim.. doesn’t care that you spend his money.. BAD BOY

And.. I bet dollars to pesos.. says she doesn’t understand why she keeps getting played.. used.. and lied to..

No man is going to try to live up to everything you want darling.. the only men that are going to come your way are the ones who can convince you they are everything you want.. so they can tap that ass and move on when they are tired of it..

That’s reality..

So I was having this discussion with someone and they said that when they were in relationships they still ‘checked out’ people of the opposite sex. And that it is only human. So I explained that when I was in High School I was with a girl and I was REALLY in love with her. (real love not that fake crap). And that I never looked at another girl in that way.. She was the only one I ever saw.

A also explained that when I had fallen in (REAL) love with my x-wife the early part of our marriage I was the same way. It went away after time because things happened and I ‘fell out’ of love (Yes you can fall out of love.. and love can be killed).

So I’m kinda curious what other people think.. Do you guys believe it is possible to be so much in love with someone that you never ‘check out’ someone else? You don’t look at other people and think “he’s hot” or “she’s hot”.. or does everyone do that and it’s just human nature? (I know the answer.. because I’ve been there.. but I guess some people don’t believe it.. and I guess that means that they automatically believe I am a liar)

Opinions?

People say that hate liars and they want honesty. I learned last year that this is not completely true. I learned that most people can’t handle the truth even though they say they want it.

Now I’m struggling with that though.. because I made a decision that it would be ok to lie to avoid conflict, or to avoid hurting someones feelings. But NOW.. I’m questioning that decision again because I met someone who has been lied to a lot and can’t stand someone lying.

As I am considering all of this I get a message from a girl that contacted me a few weeks ago. Judging from her picture I would say she weighs at least 20-30 lbs more than I do (probably more). So she sent me a message and I replied with a SIMPLE “I am not interested”.. Listen.. I think ignoring people is BS.. they took the time to send you a message you should reply. But I’ve learned that if you respond to someone on a dating site with simple talk, that makes them believe you are interested. If you are not interested.. you should just say so.

I wrote a blog on the fact that I don’t find big women attractive. Read it if you missed it. So anyway… I replied to her with a simple “I’m not interested”.

Well now a few weeks later I get a response

I GOT AN EMAIL FROM U AWHILE AGO FROM U SAYING U ARE NOT
INTERESTED…THAT IS COOL…GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH OF HAPPINESS WHEN U JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER… MAY GOD BLESS YOUR DECISION TO JUDGE OTHERS…GOD IS THE ONLY JUDGE THAT MATTERS.

Wow Really? Ok I considered just letting that go.. just hitting delete and moving on.. but damn me and my sinning ways I just couldn’t do it.. I HAD to respond. So I did.. Here was my response.

There is a guy holding a piece of cardboard up in Iowa City.. on the
street corner.. he is homeless.. I know this because the cardboard says
so. I am sure he would like a ride back to your place and to get to
know you… So how about you go up there.. Don’t judge him by his
cover.. give him a ride home..and see how that book reads.. Make sure
you discuss that decision with god the following day.

COME ON? Don’t judge a book by it’s cover? Really. When the goddamn book is a person and the cover is that persons body it says a lot about the book. Listen.. I’m agnostic.. don’t preach to me about god because I don’t care.. but if you are going to claim to beleive in god and you are going to preach about god to someone.. make sure you follow his friggen rules yourself. Last time I checked GLUTTONY and SLOTH are two of the seven deadly sins. Now.. I’m ok with people having religion.. its a good thing. I’m ok with people having a religion and not following the rules of that religion.. because nobody really does (Check out Timothy 2:12 if you are a female and you think you follow what the bible says). BUT DON’T friggen PREACH TO ME about god when YOU can’t even follow the damn rules yourself.

GEEZ!!.. sorry I had to vent there.. anyway.. back on the topic of honesty. If you are a person who says you need honesty and don’t want to be lied to.. then you better be someone who can look past a persons faults and you better be able to accept criticism. Because EVERYONE has criticisms for you and everyone has faults. And the problem is that most people can’t handle it. No.. what happens is the person who is honest gets labelled an asshole.. and the meantime the person who wanted honesty goes and spends thier time with someone else because that person tells them what they want to hear.

Women want to know why men lie. Well they do it because being honest doesn’t get them what they want. When you are honest and then you have to sit back and watch the woman you were honest with dating a guy that is lying to her and she is believing his BS because it makes her feel good, it makes it hard to continue being honest.

Ok this blog sucked and it’s basically because I am just ranting because I am mad.. but.. I feel better now.. Nothing like some honesty to make someone feel better.

It’s been a little while since I have written an actual blog (meaning posting videos didn’t count). Last weekend was kind of hectic for me, and both very fun/fulfilling, and frustrating. I could probably list a lot of emotions I’ve gone through, but that is not really important. I just wanted to set a preface for why it is that I am writing about what I am about to write about. Some of what I am going to write about here I may have already touched on.. in part.. in other blogs. But I plan to go deeper in this blog.

Relationship Chemistry… What is it? It can be confusing. If you go look it up you will get 100′s of different opinions on what it is, I read one book on it, outlining the ‘different types’ of chemistry, and how each is important in a relationship. A lot of people (including the one I just mentioned who wrote that book) have made the mistake of confusing CHEMISTRY with COMPATIBILITY. They are not the same.

The reason that it is called chemistry is because.. It is just that. The human body is a very complicated machine. But it is one that runs off of a series of chemical and physical reactions. All of our actions, thoughts, and emotions are effected by those chemical reactions and electronic impulses. All controlled of course by our wonderful chemical and electrical CPU.. The brain.

I could get all technical and explain in detail how attractions (there are different types of attractions all of which cause reactions), and different types of contact can trigger the body to release certain chemicals like, dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, or any of the many other hormones, or endorphins the body gives off to control our emotions, but that is not what I want to do (I only posted this part to back up the rest of what I am going to say with a little bit of actual scientific knowledge to show that I have done EXTENSIVE research on this topic as I do with most topics relating to relationships, and human behavior).

My point (sorry for those of you whom I have lost already it should get easier to understand now.. I will start talking English again) is that chemistry and compatibility are not the same, and I am going to explain what they are, and what their respective roles are in a relationship.

Compatibility is NOT a requirement for ‘Romantic Love’, while it
certainly will help the stability of a relationship, it is not REQUIRED
for you to develop those type of feelings. Think about it. Your best
friend is probably pretty compatible with you, but there probably is
not any positive romantic chemistry between you. And so while you are
very compatible.. you are still not gay (assuming your Best Friend is
the same sex as you), and you are not in love (Romantically) with your best friend.

The guy who wrote the book about the three types of chemistry really
meant three types of compatibility. And they certainly exist, and they
should be evaluated whenever you get into a serious romantic
relationship so that you understand what your chances are. You see..
chemistry.. fades over time. Sure it still kicks up here and there,
but it is stronger in the start than it is later on in a relationship.
So.. you have to assess your compatibility with someone if the plan is
to make it a long term relationship.

I shouldn’t have to go to much in depth into what compatibility is. I
think most people know what it is. Do the same activities give you
pleasure? Are your religious beliefs similar? Do you both like dogs,
or hate cats? Are you feelings on children the same? Music.. movies..
money.. etc etc etc. That is compatibility. It is straightforward and
simple. The goal here is to make sure that nobody is confusing it with
Chemistry.

Chemistry is your brains output (response) to the input it gets from contact with another person that it gathers through the use of your SIX senses. (yes I believe in a sixth sense.. if you think that’s silly.. then stop reading.. nobody is forcing you!) You may have different reactions to a person depending on your level of contact with them, because your body will react differently depending on the input it is getting.

Lets say for example your first real true contact (one that involves one of your senses) is talking on the phone. You will experience a chemical reaction to that, because your brain is getting input through the sense of hearing. The persons voice, the inflections they use, pitch, accent, all of that will create a response in you. Every voice will give you a different reaction. Thus your chemistry with each person based on voice sound alone is different. A good example of this for me is a girl I will call ‘Oregon’. She had an amazingly sexy, and soothing (to me) voice, and therefore my chemistry reaction to her voice was very positive romantically.

But input from only one sense is limiting, it is not a true sign of your chemistry with someone. The more senses you get input from the better idea you get of your real chemistry to a certain person. Being able to see them, smell them, hear them, touch them, and.. well yeah.. even taste them, all each help let you know what your chemistry is with a person. (Yep i left out the sixth sense cause I’m not going there, and please no comments about dead people.. it’s already NOT FUNNY). Getting input from a few senses can give you an idea.. but you wont know for sure until you are getting that input from all of the senses.

So for example.. with ‘Oregon’ I had positive romantic chemistry based off the voice alone. But once I met her in person.. and I added the sense of smell and sight into the equation, it changed it all, and it went to shit. The romantic chemistry for me became suddenly horrible (although when she talked it was still awkward because the voice was still the same..)

I personally think you have to have a good solid positive chemistry to a person in order to develop strong positive feelings towards that person. In order to even approach ‘Romantic Love’ you have to have positive ‘Romantic’ chemistry. You can have positive chemistry that is not Romantic.. and from that, many friendships are born.

Lets go back and touch on dopamine again real quick. It is a chemical your body releases that makes you feel good. When you enjoy something you get dopamine. It makes you happy. I believe that the ultimate motivator for all SANE people is happiness. All of the choices we make, we weigh what we believe will make us the ‘happiest’ and we do that. Sometimes we have to choose between things that don’t make us happy, in which case we choose the thing that causes us the least amount of sadness.

I know that people and rats are different, but I just want to throw this out there because it is interesting- in the 1950s two young scientists at McGill University, James Olds and
Peter Milner, found that if they electrically stimulated a part of a
rat’s brain known as the nucleus accumbens, the animals brain would release dopamine and the animal would feel
pleasure. They rigged up a lever that rats could press to receive
stimulation. The rats would ignore food, water, and even sex while
pressing the lever over and over like crazed gamblers at a slot
machine. They would do that until they died of exhaustion.

Now as I said, I know we are not rats, but we do react similar to rats. We may be able to make better decisions and overcome our animal instincts for pleasure.. but only to an extent. We still make decisions based off of pleasure/happiness.

So what does all of this have to do with Relationship Chemistry? Well.. I had someone tell me that it is ridiculous of me to believe that I can tell within 10 minutes of meeting someone whether or not I will be able to develop romantic feelings for them. And I say it IS NOT ridiculous. It is.. what it is. I CAN TELL and the reason I can is because I know the feeling I get from my ‘chemistry’ with that person. I’m sorry but I do not see the point in pursuing a relationship in which I do not FEEL that strong romantic chemistry. It is not as fulfilling. if I am going to be involved with someone in that way, I WANT those feelings. I don’t just want to force a relationship to see if those feelings will DEVELOP because, they WONT.

Sure I might get attached, I might feel a stronger connection towards a person with more time around them, but it won’t be THAT TYPE of feeling, not the type that I need in order to… well… to fall in love.

If I pursued a relationship with someone that I did not feel that romantic chemistry with, and someone else came along that I did feel it with, and I could be with that person.. i would leave the first one.. in order to feel it with the other. AND THAT is why I don’t play that game. There is no reason in hurting someone, when I KNOW right away. If anyone is going to get hurt.. it is going to be me. I’m used to it by now.

Now.. what sucks.. is when one person feels that chemistry and the other doesn’t. It really sucks. I have been on both sides of that. If you are the one feeling it you really don’t care whether or not the other person does at first, because like the RATS you just WANT IT. Instead of thinking about the long term ramifications. What is best, is to just let it go and try to find someone that when you are with them, you BOTH feel it. Because without it, you pleasure is going to be short lived. As soon as the other person finds it.. they will be gone. But I guess that is each persons choice.. if they are willing to suffer in the end, in order to be happy for a short time before that.

Even if you do make that choice, makes sure you think about all of this, and are at least prepared for what is probably going to happen. It will still suck, but at least it won’t come out of nowhere.

Feel free to comment, because this is something I would like to hear input on.

You can lose everything. I know this is cliche, but I also know that I heard it before and never really fully understood, I didn’t let the enormity of it soak in. It didn’t mean before what it means now. 2008 was the worst year of my life, but it was also very valuable to me. I learned more about the things that matter in life than I had in all the previous years before it.

I learned that I could love another person more than I ever thought possible. I learned that when you get that you need to do whatever it takes to hold onto it (which is the same as saying don’t take it for granted). I learned that if you are going to lose something you are a hell of a lot better of knowing that you did everything you could to keep it, and no matter what you did you would have lost it anyway, because if you don’t.. well.. regret sucks.

I learned that my perspective on life before 2008 was pretty stupid. I was never really thankful for much, and maybe because I felt that I didn’t have someone to thank for it. But now I know it doesn’t matter.. You don’t have to be thankful to someone in order to just be thankful. To actually sit back and appreciate what you DO have.

2008 changed me…. Physically, and emotionally/mentally. I am a much different person than I was before last year. The only other change I have ever gone through that comes close (emotionally/mentally) was the transformation from boy to Marine (yeah I went straight from boy to Marine I was 17 when I signed up and shipped off).

And while I don’t take things for granted anymore.. I also don’t want to settle anymore either. I used to be ok with just settling for going through the motions and simple pleasures in life. I can’t accept that anymore. I have tasted better and I want more now. Which in a way is a curse. I am sitting here as I have a lot lately wanting more than just the simple pleasures. It’s not enough anymore. So while I don’t take for granted anymore, I’m also not willing to settle for less, doing one does not mean you have to do the other.

I have a very real.. tangible.. trepidition that I might not find what I am looking for. I am not a very patient person. I have a hard time waiting for things, I’ve been that way my whole life. If I want something I try to get it, I have a hard time sitting and waiting for it to come to me. Failure sucks, but you have to fail many times in order to succeed. And the final success makes all the failures not matter. If you let your fear of failure control you, you wont ever succeed because you wont ‘attempt’. And as they say ‘You can’t win if you don’t play.’

I know what I want. I want that feeling back… The one I had for a short time last year. But I know that next time (if there is a next time), if I want that to last I need to make sure that I create it also. Which means to not take it for granted. I don’t know if I will get it again ever.. or if I do.. how long I will have to wait. But I do know that if I do get it, once I do, it’s going to take an army to wrestle it away.. because not only am I not letting go next time, but I’m also making it so that the other person won’t let go either.