Sep 2

Wanted or Needed?

I was asked to write a blog about whether it is better to be wanted or needed. So this is it. And I’ve been thinking about it for a few days, and when I get to thinking about something I break it down and analyze it from a bunch of different angles. Let me tell you.. this one is not cut and dry.

First off.. let me clear something up. People seem to associate NEED with having to have something in order to live. I did the same thing until I started pondering this blog, and now I realize that is simply to narrow sighted.

You can Need something in order to be happy. You can need something in order to succeed. You can need something in order to to be healthy. Sure you might not die without the ‘it’.. whatever it is, but you might need it in order to fulfil another goal in life.

I think all of us should know that the only thing to live for is happiness. That’s it, there is no other reason. People want to be happy. Extremely unhappy people lose the desire to live. There are also levels to happiness. The happier a person can be the better their life is.

Successes make people happy and failures take away from happiness. The more you succeed in things you value, the happier you will be. The more you fail the more happiness will be drained from you. That success can be in relationships, with a significant other, with multiple partners, or with your family. It all depends on who you are and what you value.

So back to the topic. Wanted or Needed? I think the simple answer is that it usually feels better to be wanted. If a person wants you then that means they actually have a conscious desire for you. For them, getting you is a success, it will make them happy. Of course.. if you don’t want them back, then it doesn’t mean much. So while it may be good to be ‘wanted’ it could be bad to be the person who is ‘wanting’ if it is not mutual. And being wanted by someone you don’t want in return can also be bad for you because it could make you feel bad that you are causing someone a failure in life, and making them unhappy.

Being needed on the other hand.. creates security. That person needs you, that means they are actually dependant on you for something. Without you they fail at something else they value in life, besides just the success of being with you. If they no longer have you, they fail at those things that you helped them to succeed with. This is one reason that a woman stressing her independence so much throws up a red flag for me. It says to me ‘I will never need you, I can do it all on my own.’ Well, a lack of need means a lack of security, and people (not just women) like to feel secure. Most people NEED security to be happy, insecurity is very uncomfortable.

If you know that a person needs you.. it allows you to trust that person a lot more than if they didn’t need you. ‘Want’ can fade very easily. ‘Need’ is not so easily replaced.

I think that the perfect relationship would be one in which both people WANT and NEED each other. If you have less than that from either side, then there is a problem. If one person only ‘wants’ and the other ‘wants and needs’, the one who ‘wants and needs’ gets hurt too much. If one person only ‘needs’ and the other ‘wants and needs’, then the one who ‘wants and needs’ feels neglected, because they are not feeling desired.

I guess that’s my take on it.. Others may disagree, and that’s ok. As long as you aren’t someone I want AND need